


A Black Panther Dramedy (well maybe more comedy than drama)

by monteyjames



Series: Where Killmonger isn't Dead [1]
Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Dark Comedy, Genius Shuri (Marvel), M'Baku did not ask for this shit, M/M, Profanity, T'Challa is fed up, back from the dead, forced possible relationship, killmonger might be a TEENSY BIT crazy, slightly evil shuri, this might just be a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 07:24:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monteyjames/pseuds/monteyjames
Summary: I really wanted to be as loose with this without as much seriousness as possible. and as such, I wanted Killmonger to be slightly crazy and wanting to go all Tom & Jerry on T'Challa on sight. M'Baku just wanted to get stuff. he did not come to be somebody's parole officer. hopefully this makes y'all laugh a bit. and maybe I might do a sequel that's all about #KillBaku. okay now I'm just rambling





	A Black Panther Dramedy (well maybe more comedy than drama)

Now who the hell thought it was a smart ass idea to bring the Angry ass dreadhead back to life?! Oh! THAT’S RIGHT!!! Black Jesus himself! King T’Challa felt **SO DAMN BAD** for his cousin growing up without a family that he tried to save him. He stabbed him in the chest, and then Killmonger took the knife out to end his own life instead of live a prisoner. You’d think that would be the end of it, right? WELL HELL. NO. T’Challa practically begged Shuri and her people to save him, and the heart shaped herb was working its magic so instead of dying like he should’ve been, he went into a bastdamned coma and he JUST woke up today. You know what happens afterwards? This muthafuckin weeaboo with a hard-on for indiscriminate murder and mass destruction flies into a savage rage and starts slaughtering the scientists and the guards ON SIGHT. Thankfully Shuri managed to survive, but thanks to Erik getting his hands on one of the guards’ spears, several people have been decapitated and the pretty laboratory hallways have now been painted red.

He managed to make it out of the lab and onto the basin where the infamous battle had occurred between the panther, the jaguar, the bitchass border tribe, the loyal dora milaje, and the badass jabari. 

“YO! CUZZO!!! WHERE THE FUCK YO ASS AT!?!?!? I JUST WANNA TALK TO YA!” his psychotic ass screamed out into the open air like he hasn’t had any home training!! 

Thankfully somebody did show up, just not T’Challa like that crazy bastard was hoping. Instead, the Jabari, led by big ass M’Baku arrived, mostly because they were supposed to be seeing Shuri who insisted on them getting some new duds from her since they’re now gonna be cool and all. But now, they gotta deal with THIS ASSHOLE.

“AWWWW SHIIIIIIID!!!! Well look who the fuck decided to show up instead? A whole buncha muscly monkey looking muthafuckas!!! Das aight tho!!! I can just use y’all for practice until I see ole cuzzin T again!” He taunted like a whole ass lunatic. 

M’Baku’s men were bewildered at the sight of this bloodstained lunatic, but everyone surrounded him because clearly this was gonna be a fight. “Stop!” The Jabari leader shouted to his men because this was not a normal person they were dealing with. “I don’t know what is going on, but I will fight you myself! Jabari! Surround us!”

Killmonger: “Oh so that’s how it’s gonna be? You want me ALL to ya self huh? Well I don’t swing that way playboy but I’ll go head and fuck yo ass up and deal with ya friends next!” 

It was almost admirable how he was looking for a damn fight to be honest. But he is too crazed right now and is likely high off of adrenaline sooooo time to knock his ass out. 

M’Baku: “I’m going to show you what a gorilla can do _little kitten_ ” 

Killmonger: “Kitten?! Oh I’m DEFINITELY gonna whoop yo ass now!!”  
And JUST LIKE THAT, Killmonger charged forth, spear wielded over his head like he was gonna chuck it. M’Baku managed to block his attack though and proceeds to go on the defensive. Every swing and shove, is blocked and deflected, which just pisses off the resurrected N’Jadaka even more. Pissed off and belligerent, Erik ends up leaving himself open and M’Baku sees that as an opening to knock the spear out of his hands and grab onto him. 

M’Baku: “THIS is the N’Jadaka who T’Challa was defeated by? The one who everyone was so afraid of?! Just a scared and angry little boy!” This just made Erik even more furious as he tried to bite M’Baku to break free of his grip. Instead, the big man just held tighter and ignored any sign that his skin was broken into. He proceeded to put the lunatic into a chokehold in the hopes that he’ll just slip into unconsciousness.

M’Baku: “Come on now little kitten! Go. To. SLEEP!” 

Killmonger: “Argh! FUCK YOU!”

Aaaannnnd then suddenly both of them were electrocuted by what seemed to be a high powered taser from an EXTREMELY PISSED OFF SHURI!!! 

Shuri: “What are you idiots standing around for?! GRAB THEM AND BRING THEM TO THE FUCKING LAB! And when I see my brother next time, he is going to be lucky if he doesn’t get tased himself!!!”

“Wake up! WAKE UP ERIK!!”

And Erik is viciously slapped back into consciousness leaving him screaming several curses and noticing that he’s been restrained to a chair and next to a visibly pissed M’Baku. “You can stop your ranting and raving! Clearly this is the only way you you can be reasoned with!” Erik stopped struggling to notice a visibly pissed T’Challa standing over him. 

Killmonger: “Well look who the fuck decided to grace us with his kingly ass!”

T’Challa: “Do you know how much destruction you’ve caused?! And we had JUST managed to fix Shuri’s lab after the last time you destroyed it”

Killmonger: “I didn’t do shit”

T’Challa: “You **murdered** at least 20 guards to the point of them being unrecognizable, severely injured 20 more, and you murdered 10 scientists. Bast knows how long it will take to replace them!”

Shuri: “Actually not that long because I was searching for their replacements LONG befo- “

T’Challa: “That is not the point! *sigh* the point is that you should be put to death right where you stand now! Without question! But I have made a pact with your father in the astral plane to spare your life in the hopes of you being redeemable”

Killmonger: “Aww how fucking wonderful of you. Want me to cry tears of joy and kiss yo feet nigga?!”

And T’Challa keeps his backhand STRONG.

T’Challa: “What I want you to do is SHUT THE HELL UP!! Now, instead of us putting you through what Shuri did with that white boy (bucky’s irrelevant ass), we have decided that the best course of action before we have to resort to execution is imprisonment…”

Killmonger: “I’ll be out of that shit a we-”

T’Challa: “IN. THE. JABARI. LANDS.”

Killmonger: “WHAT?!”

T’Challa: “WHERE YOU WILL BE UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF MBAKU!!!!!!”

Killmonger: “WHAT THE FUCK?!”  
M’Baku: “WHAT IN HANUMAN’S NAME?!”

M’Baku: “why would you give this idiot over to me?!”

Shuri: “because you looked like you were able to handle him”

M’Baku: “but you shocked me into unconsciousness!!!”

Shuri: “I couldn’t get a clear shot in time”

M’Baku: “I WAS FACING YOU!!!”

Shuri: “look! None of that is important! What is important is that as long as you take him, you can have all of this nice new equipment for your warriors.”

M’Baku: “What?”

Shuri: “yes. You just need to Watch this idiot, WHO SHOULD BE DEAD. The kimoyo beads that I’ve outfitted him with are equipped with nano sensors that will shock him whenever he is more than five feet away from you or he shows any signs of aggression.”

M’Baku: “but apparently he’s always-”

Shuri: “we’re aware of his heightened aggression levels so it has been adjusted to where if he attempts to kill anyone, he will be shocked into unconsciousness”

Killmonger: “the fuck? Y’all gonna make me a slave to some monkey muthafucka?! **I GOT RIGHTS DAMMIT!!!** ” 

T’Challa: “that is literally not our problem”

M'Baku: this is a shitty gift

Killmonger: “ARGH!!!!!”

T’Challa: “okay I’m sick of this! You have your new armor and weapons. And you have your prisoner, M’Baku. Take him and get out”

Killmonger: “THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!!!”

M’Baku: “I don’t want to be here any longer. Come, kitten”

Killmonger: “WHAT? FUCK YOU!! WHY THE FUCK YOU CALLING ME KITTEN! I AINT GOING NOWH-AHHHH!!!!!!!!”

Yeah. At that point M’Baku had to be Erik over his shoulder. And he’s gonna have to do that a lot because Killmonger is gonna get shocked a lot. So they got back on the aircraft with a possibly dead Killmonger on the way back home to the mountains. This is gonna be a LOOOOOOONG probation.


End file.
